‘Dunder Mifflin, Inc.’
courtesy of ‘Marcin Wichary’
Dear Mr. Wallace:
I’ve been a faithful employee of Dunder Mifflin going on five years now. I loved showing up each week; my fellow employees were quirky, endearing and awesome. Even my boss, Michael Scott, was fun – if a bit clueless. He had his redeeming qualities, which made him sufferable through his more manic periods.
But lately, ever since the merger and that whole Jan fiasco, life at D-M has been painful. I don’t rush to get out of bed on Thursdays anymore. And I cringe now when I walk in the door. I don’t know, maybe it’s me and not you.
See, my boss seems to be suffering from a breakdown. He’s turned into a thirty year-old child on a constant basis now; I can’t rely on him to effectively run my business any more. I’ve not seen quality salesmanship from him in a while and I’m concerned that his focus is not on the business and our clients, but instead in this reckless pursuit of, well, everything else. I honestly feel like I’m in high school again and I can’t take it any more.
My co-workers have also gotten more freakish. Before, I knew Meredith was a loner – quiet, affable but pretty much ketp to herself. But lately? She’s like some washed-up hooker eager for alcohol and sex and pretty blatant about it now, even exchanging sex for favorable supplier terms. Toby, the HR guy, won’t even address it – but then again, he avoids everything anyway.
And I still don’t understand why Ryan, that temp-turned-corrupt VP-turned-ex-con-turned-temp, is even allowed to work here? I know Michael’s unhealthy man-crush is partially to blame, but I also hold the company responsible. I can’t even leave my briefcase out with him around because I’m concerned he’ll steal it and go buy a thimble of blow.
We won’t discuss Dwight. I’ve been told by Toby you have several cartons of memos on him (or by him?) and frankly, it’s all true. All of it.
So I’m leaving. I have to. When it gets to the point where the office is nothing but a fun house freakshow, where no real work gets done but apparently everyone’s laundry is out for all to see and play with, it’s just not a worthwhile investment in my time and talent. Consider this my notice; I gave two weeks already and there’s no changing my mind.
I hope D-M survives this recession. But until you fix that Scranton branch, I highly doubt it.
I’d wish you luck…but I think Kevin ate it.
Sincerely,
Me
